Elizabeth & Clarke: The Archive

OUR FAVORITE PIECES FROM THE PAST

 

Terms & Conditions

1.  BIENVENUE

Howdy and welcome to our Site.  We’re glad you checked us out, but we just need to get some legal stuff out of the way before you continue.  Although this Agreement doesn’t require you sign away your firstborn or take out a second mortgage, it does affect your legal rights so we ask that you read it and get a lawyer to help you if you don’t understand any of it.

2.  BIG FANCY CITY WORDS

So, our Users are pretty smart, but some words may have a more nuanced meaning because lawyers aren’t humans and they speak their own strange language.  Therefore, we’ve given the following list of definitions, which should be applied to the extent that it doesn’t make any part of the Agreement seem silly to a reasonable person:

“Agreement” means these Terms of Service;

“Elizabeth & Clarke” refers to our company, known as “Elizabeth & Clarke, Inc.”; our Site; our Service; our two pet hamster mascots; or a combination of all or some of the preceding definitions, depending on the context in which the phrase is used;

“Service” refers to the products that we provide through our Site, including our Unstainable® Shirts and our Site itself;

“Site” refers to our website, www.unstainable.ec;

“User” refers to anyone who uses any portion of our Service, including customers and people who just happen to visit our Site as looky-loos;

“You” refers to you, the person who is entering into this Agreement with Elizabeth & Clarke.

3.  WHAT EXACTLY IS ELIZABETH & CLARKE?

So you’re wondering, what is Elizabeth & Clarke?  No, we didn’t discover the Pacific Northwest.  Actually, we invented The Unstainable® Shirt. Yes, I know. It’s like we are living in the future.

4.  ELIGIBILITY

In order to register for an account and use our Service, you must meet a number of conditions, including but not limited to:

  • You must not be in violation of any embargoes, export controls, or other laws of the United States or other countries having jurisdiction over this Agreement, Elizabeth & Clarke, and yourself.  For example, if the Office of Foreign Assets Control prohibits conducting financial transactions with nationals, residents, or banks of your country, you must not use our Service.  We apologize, Kim Jong-un, but we had to cancel that really frilly pink blouse that you ordered.
  • You must be at least 18 years old.  We know, ladies under 18 like to wear clothes too, but we can’t form a binding contract with you unless you’re an adult.  You’re of course free to get a parent to purchase on your behalf.
  • You must provide us with personal information, payment information, and other information that we deem necessary to provide you with our Service.  The payment information must be your own unless you have permission of the accountholder to use theirs.

5.  DISCLAIMER

Elizabeth & Clarke may experience unexpected delays for many reasons including, but not limited to: supplier issues, courier or postal issues, or zombie uprisings.  For this reason, please note that a subscription item might be delayed in coming to you, and you agree that we won’t be liable for any losses resulting from your expectation that it was going to arrive at a certain date.  Please let us know if you have any issues with items arriving and we will look into it as soon as possible.

6.  RULES OF USE

Ok, so you have met the above eligibility criteria whose difficulty lies somewhere between that of inhaling and exhaling.  Although it’s pretty simple to purchase our products and use our Service, please keep in mind that there are some additional rules.  You must not:

  • Violate the laws of the United States, its states, the Geneva Convention, the rules of your local water polo club, or any foreign political entity having jurisdiction over this Agreement, whether or not the foreign political entity is a country or a subdivision (such as a state or province) or municipality (such as a city, town, county, or region) of a foreign country.
  • Be fraudulent or negligent in your representations to us.
  • Hack, crack, phish, SQL inject, or otherwise compromise the security or integrity of the Elizabeth & Clarke Site, Service, or its Users’ computers.  We’ve never heard of people mixing buying women’s clothing with federal hacking crimes, but you never know what someone’s hobbies might be.
  • Do anything else that infringes on the rights of third parties or Elizabeth & Clarke.

7. PAYMENT

Ok, payment stuff is important.  Our terms may change from time to time, and it may be hard to change this Agreement up each time we do it, so you agree that the payment terms on our website are hereby incorporated into this Agreement by reference.  That’s legal speak for, “Look on our site, and those are the terms that will apply.”

We can make some general statements, though.  All major credit and debit cards are accepted including Amex, MasterCard, Visa, Discover, JCB, and Diners Club.  We use Stripe to process payments and store card details.

8.  SHIPPING

We ship via USPS Mail and include tracking. All shipping is free within the United States, including return shipping and any shipping of exchanges.  Shipments destined for Canada cost an extra $15.  Shipments destined for any other country cost $25.  Return shipping from any country other than the United States is not included.

9.  DISCOUNTS

Discount codes are limited to one per order. It may seem harsh, but our shirts are already so reasonably priced, we really can’t go any lower without taking a loss.

We may refuse to provide such discounts for any reason including, but not limited to, fraud, mistake on the part of our publication of information, actual or expected financial hardship, sale of all or part of our business, a run on the banks that’s totally George Bailey’s fault, or any other reason.

11.  CHARGEBACKS

If you’ve had your credit card stolen, you’re more than entitled to do a chargeback.  However, please be advised that if it’s a fraudulent chargeback, we will totally come down with an iron fist and tell our lawyers, the cops, a collection agency, and possibly your mom on you.  We know that this is tough, but it’s necessary to keep our prices so awesomely low.

12.  OUR COPYRIGHT

We appreciate that you like our site, but please keep in mind that every time our search engine rankings drop because someone duplicated our content, our P.R. person cries.  You agree not to copy, distribute, display, disseminate, or otherwise reproduce any of the information on the Site, including product descriptions, without receiving our prior written permission.

13.  TRADEMARKS

“Elizabeth & Clarke” and “Unstainable” are trademarks used by us, to uniquely identify our Site, Service, products, and business.  You agree not to use this phrase anywhere without our prior written consent.  Additionally, you agree not to use our trade dress, or copy the look and feel of our website or its design, without our prior written consent.  You agree that this paragraph goes beyond the governing law on intellectual property law, and includes prohibitions on any competition that violates the provisions of this paragraph, including starting your own clothing business.

14.  REVOCATION OF CONSENT

We may revoke our consent for your use of our intellectual property, or any other permission granted to you under this Agreement, at any time.  You agree that if we so request, you must take immediate action to remove any usage of our intellectual property that you may have engaged in, even if it would cause a loss to you.  If you name your kids Elizabeth and Clarke, we reserve the right to adopt them and control their assets if they end up inventing the next Facebook or something.

15.  REPRESENTATIONS & WARRANTIES

THIS PART IS IMPORTANT SO WE HAVE TO YELL.  ALSO, WE JUST STUBBED OUR TOE SO WE’RE MAD ANYWAY.  WE MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES AS TO THE MERCHANTABILITY OF OUR SERVICE OR FITNESS FOR ANY PARTICULAR PURPOSE.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU ARE RELEASING US FROM ANY LIABILITY THAT WE MAY OTHERWISE HAVE TO YOU IN RELATION TO OR ARISING FROM THIS AGREEMENT OR OUR SERVICES, FOR REASONS INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, FAILURE OF OUR PRODUCT, NEGLIGENCE, OR ANY OTHER TORT.  TO THE EXTENT THAT APPLICABLE LAW RESTRICTS THIS RELEASE OF LIABILITY, YOU AGREE THAT WE ARE ONLY LIABLE TO YOU FOR THE MINIMUM AMOUNT OF DAMAGES THAT THE LAW RESTRICTS OUR LIABILITY TO, IF SUCH A MINIMUM EXISTS.

YOU AGREE THAT WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE IN ANY WAY FOR DAMAGES CAUSED BY THIRD PARTIES WHO MAY USE OUR SERVICES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO PEOPLE WHO COMMIT INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY INFRINGEMENT, DEFAMATION, TORTIOUS INTERFERENCE WITH ECONOMIC RELATIONS, TORTOISE INTERFERENCE WITH THE HARE WINNING THE RACE, OR ANY OTHER ACTIONABLE CONDUCT TOWARDS YOU.

WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY FAILURE ON THE PART OF A PAYMENT PROCESSOR, INCLUDING PAYPAL OR THE CREDIT CARD COMPANY OR BANK THAT YOU USE TO FUND PAYPAL, TO DIRECT PAYMENTS TO THE CORRECT DESTINATION, OR ANY ACTIONS ON THEIR PART IN PLACING A HOLD ON YOUR FUNDS.

WE ARE NOT LIABLE FOR ANY FAILURE OF THE GOODS OR SERVICES OF OUR COMPANY OR A THIRD PARTY, INCLUDING ANY FAILURES OR DISRUPTIONS, UNTIMELY DELIVERY, SCHEDULED OR UNSCHEDULED, INTENTIONAL OR UNINTENTIONAL, ON OUR WEBSITE WHICH PREVENT ACCESS TO OUR WEBSITE TEMPORARILY OR PERMANENTLY.

THE PROVISION OF OUR SERVICE TO YOU IS CONTINGENT ON YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THIS AND ALL OTHER SECTIONS OF THIS AGREEMENT.  NOTHING IN THE PROVISIONS OF THIS “REPRESENTATIONS & WARRANTIES” SECTION SHALL BE CONSTRUED TO LIMIT THE GENERALITY OF THE FIRST PARAGRAPH OF THIS SECTION.

For Jurisdictions that do not allow us to limit our liability: Notwithstanding any provision of these Terms, if your jurisdiction has provisions specific to waiver or liability that conflict with the above then our liability is limited to the smallest extent possible by law.  Specifically, in those jurisdictions not allowed, we do not disclaim liability for: (a) death or personal injury caused by its negligence or that of any of its officers, employees or agents; or (b) fraudulent misrepresentation; or (c) any liability which it is not lawful to exclude either now or in the future.

IF YOU ARE A RESIDENT OF A JURISDICTION THAT REQUIRES A SPECIFIC STATEMENT REGARDING RELEASE THEN THE FOLLOWING APPLIES.  FOR EXAMPLE, RESIDENTS OF SUNNY/SMOGGY CALIFORNIA MUST, AS A CONDITION OF THIS AGREEMENT, WAIVE THE APPLICABILITY OF CALIFORNIA CIVIL CODE SECTION 1542, WHICH STATES, “A GENERAL RELEASE DOES NOT EXTEND TO CLAIMS WHICH THE CREDITOR DOES NOT KNOW OR SUSPECT TO EXIST IN HIS OR HER FAVOR AT THE TIME OF EXECUTING THE RELEASE, WHICH IF KNOWN BY HIM OR HER MUST HAVE MATERIALLY AFFECTED HIS OR HER SETTLEMENT WITH THE DEBTOR."  YOU HEREBY WAIVE THIS SECTION OF THE CALIFORNIA CIVIL CODE.  YOU HEREBY WAIVE ANY SIMILAR PROVISION IN LAW, REGULATION, OR CODE THAT HAS THE SAME INTENT OR EFFECT AS THE AFOREMENTIONED RELEASE.

16.  INDEMNITY

You agree to indemnify and hold us harmless for any claims by you or any third party which may arise from or relate to this Agreement or the provision of our Service to you, including any damages caused by your use of our website or acceptance of the offers contained on it.  You also agree that you have a duty to defend us against such claims and we may require you to pay for an attorney(s) of our choice in such cases.  You agree that this indemnity extends to requiring you to pay for our reasonable attorneys’ fees, court costs, and disbursements.  In the event of a claim such as one described in this paragraph, we may elect to settle with the party/parties making the claim, and you shall be liable for the damages as though we had proceeded with a trial.

To summarize in layman’s terms, you break it, you bought it.

17.  CHOICE OF LAW

This Agreement shall be governed by the laws in force in the Big Apple, New York, New York.  The offer and acceptance of this contract are deemed to have occurred in the State of New York.

18.  FORUM OF DISPUTE

You agree that any dispute arising from or relating to this Agreement will be heard solely by the Small Claims Court in New York City (“Small Claims Court”).

If a dispute claims multiple claims and one or more of those claims would be eligible to be heard by the Small Claims Court, you agree not to bring the other claims against us and to instead proceed within the Small Claims Court.

If you would be entitled in a dispute to an amount exceeding the monetary jurisdiction of the Small Claims Court, you agree to waive your right to collect any damages in excess of the monetary jurisdiction and instead still bring your claim within the Small Claims Court.

You agree that if a dispute is eligible to be heard in Small Claims Court but you would be entitled to an additional or alternative remedy in a higher court, such as injunctive relief, you will waive your right to that remedy and still bring the dispute within the Small Claims Court.

If you bring a dispute in a manner other than in accordance with this section, you agree that we may move to have it dismissed, and that you will be responsible for our reasonable attorneys’ fees, court costs, and disbursements in doing so.

You agree that the unsuccessful party in any dispute arising from or relating to this Agreement will be responsible for the reimbursement of the successful party’s reasonable attorneys’ fees, court costs, and disbursements.

19.  FORCE MAJEURE (OOOOH FRENCH. CLASSY!)

You agree that we are not responsible to you for anything that we may otherwise be responsible for, if it is the result of events beyond our control, including, but not limited to, acts of God, acts of dog, war, peace, insurrection, riots, terrorism, crime, the Zombie apocalypse, labor shortages (including lawful and unlawful strikes), embargoes, postal disruption, communication disruption, Klingon disruptors, unavailability of payment processors, failure or shortage of infrastructure, shortage of materials, shortage of shortbread cookies, or any other event beyond our control.

20.  SEVERABILITY

In the event that a provision of this Agreement is found to be unlawful, conflicting with another provision of the Agreement, or otherwise unenforceable, the Agreement will remain in force as though it had been entered into without that unenforceable provision being included in it.

If two or more provisions of this Agreement are deemed to conflict with each other’s operation, Elizabeth & Clarke shall have the sole right to elect which provision remains in force, whether it be by a darts competition or simply picking one.

21.  NON-WAIVER

Elizabeth & Clarke reserves all rights afforded to us under this Agreement as well as under the provisions of any applicable law.  Our non-enforcement of any particular provision or provisions of this Agreement or the any applicable law should not be construed as our waiver of the right to enforce that same provision under the same or different circumstances at any time in the future.  If Janet gets away with something, don’t think that Jill will get away with it, too.  We might just randomly catch people or be lazy sometimes or be superstitious or have some other reason for not enforcing our rights against every single person who messes with us.

22.  TERMINATION & CANCELLATION

We may terminate your account or access as well as access to our Site and Service to you at our discretion without explanation, though we will strive to provide a timely explanation in most cases.  Our liability for refunding you, if you have paid anything to us, will be limited to the amount you paid for goods which have not yet been manufactured, except in cases where the termination or cancellation was due to your breach of this Agreement, in which case you agree that we are not required to provide any refund or other compensation whatsoever. 

23.  ASSIGNMENT OF RIGHTS

You may not assign your rights and/or obligations under this Agreement to any other party without our prior written consent.  We may assign our rights and/or obligations under this Agreement to any other party at our discretion.

24.  AMENDMENTS

We may amend this Agreement from time to time—you must read the page (yes, boring, we know) every time you access our Site.  When we amend this Agreement, we will amend this page.  If you do not agree to the changes, you must cease using our Site and Service immediately and inform us of your non-agreement with sufficient information to identify your account at howdy@elizabethandclarke.com so that we may disable your account.

25.  CALIFORNIA USERS AND RESIDENTS

Pursuant to California Civil Code Section 1789.3, any questions about pricing, complaints, or inquiries about Elizabeth & Clarke must be addressed to our agent for notice and sent via e-mail (carrier pigeons no longer acceptable) to howdy@elizabethandclarke.com.

Lastly, California users are also entitled to the following specific consumer rights notice: The Complaint Assistance Unit of the Division of Consumer Products of the California Department of Consumer Affairs may be contacted in writing at 1625 North Market Blvd., Sacramento, CA 95834, or by telephone at (916) 445-1254 or (800) 952-5210.

 

Privacy Policy

1.  HOLA

Hello again.  If you haven’t already read and agreed to our Terms of Service, do so now, or we will confiscate all of your shirts….  Seriously, though, go do it because you need to agree to that and this Privacy Policy to use our Service.

2.  DEFINITIONS

See?  If you didn’t already read the Terms of Service, you’d be in trouble, because we don’t need to repeat our definitions in this Privacy Policy since you already know them.  The words in this document have the same meaning as in our Terms of Service.  Moving on…

3.  INFORMATION COLLECTED

Identifying Information

We collect certain personal information from you when you sign up to our Service that can be used to identify you, such as your name, e-mail address, mailing address, retinal scan data, thumbprints, blood type, and credit card information.  The information we collect from you, to the extent that it is private, is disclosed only in accordance with our Terms of Service and/or this Privacy Policy.

Non-Identifying Information

Whenever you visit our Site, we may collect non-identifying information from you, such as your IP address, referring URL, browser, operating system, cookie information, and Internet Service Provider.  Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, additional records from a third party, Uri Geller, or John Edwards, this information alone cannot usually be used to identify you.

4.  USE OF YOUR INFORMATION

We may use your information to:

  • Enhance or improve User experience, our Site, or our Service.
  • Process transactions.
  • Send e-mails about our Site or respond to inquiries.
  • Send e-mail updates (including a newsletter).
  • Make into paper airplanes if we’re bored (though we’ll shred them after for your privacy).
  • Perform any other function that we believe in good faith is necessary to protect the security or proper functioning of our Site or Service.

5.  ACCESSING, EDITING, AND REMOVING YOUR INFORMATION

Users may in some cases be able to review and edit the personal information they have provided to us by logging into your account on the Site and editing their account.  Although most changes may occur immediately, information may still be stored in a web browser’s cache.  We take no responsibility for stored information in your cache, or in other devices that may store information, and disclaim all liability of such.  In addition, we may, from time to time, retain residual information about you in our backup and/or database.  Basically, we can’t keep track of every little electron out there, but we will do our best to protect your privacy.

6.  COOKIES

We use cookies to remember your preferences and shopping cart items.  For this reason, it is necessary that you enable cookies in your browser, and you hereby acknowledge that we have informed you of our use of cookies and that you consent to our use of cookies in relation to your computer system.

7.  THIRD PARTIES

Elizabeth & Clarke may post links to third party websites on its Site. These third party websites are not screened for privacy or security issues, or even entertainment value, by Elizabeth & Clarke, and you release us from any liability for the conduct of these third party websites.

Please be aware that this Privacy Policy, and any other policies in place, in addition to any amendments, does not create rights enforceable by third parties or require disclosure of any personal information relating to members of the Service or Site. Elizabeth & Clarke bears no responsibility for the information collected or used by any advertiser or third party website.  Please review the privacy policy and terms of service for each site you visit through third party links.  We know, you’d rather stick your face in a belt sander, but your bank account will thank you later on when you have less legal bills.

8.  THIRD-PARTY ACCESS TO YOUR INFORMATION

Although you are entering into an Agreement with Elizabeth & Clarke to disclose your information to us, we do use third party individuals and organizations to assist us, including contractors, web hosts, and others.

Throughout the course of our provision of our Service to you, we may delegate our authority to collect, access, use, and disseminate your information.  For example, our web host stores the information that you provide us, and we may hire outside contractors to perform maintenance or assist us in securing our website.

It is therefore necessary that you grant the third parties we may use in the course of our business the same rights that you afford us under this Privacy Policy.  For this reason, you hereby agree that for every authorization which you grant to us in this Privacy Policy, you also grant to any third party that we may hire, contract, or otherwise retain the services of for the purpose of operating, maintaining, repairing, or otherwise improving or preserving our website or its underlying files or systems.  You agree not to hold us liable for the actions of any of these third parties, even if we would normally be held vicariously liable for their actions, and that you must take legal action against them directly should they commit any tort or other actionable wrong against you.

Without limiting the generality of the foregoing, we may share your information with:

  • Mailchimp
  • Mandrill
  • Stripe
  • MongoDB
  • Helpscout
  • Wufoo (this is not a form of martial arts—it’s used to help you contact us)

9.  RELEASE OF YOUR INFORMATION FOR LEGAL PURPOSES

At times it may become necessary, for legal purposes, to release your information in response to a request from a government agency or a private litigant.  You agree that we may disclose your information to a third party where we believe, in good faith, that it is desirable to do so for the purposes of a civil action, criminal investigation, or other legal matter.  In the event that we receive a subpoena affecting your privacy, we may elect to notify you to give you an opportunity to file a motion to quash the subpoena, or we may attempt to quash it ourselves, but we are not obligated to do either.  We may also proactively report you, and release your information to, third parties where we believe that it is prudent to do so for legal reasons, such as our belief that you have engaged in fraudulent activities.  You release us from any damages that may arise from or relate to the release of your information to a request from law enforcement agencies or private litigants.

Ok, that was all very legal-y, but basically if you don’t do anything bad, the KGB won’t try to ask us who you are.  If you did something that resulted in a massive police investigation because you used a clothing site, we’d be impressed—but don’t do it because we don’t need the heat. Thanks.

10.  SECURITY MEASURES

We take certain measures to enhance the security of our Site and Service, such as using SSL certificates and putting slippery banana peels around all of our servers. However, we make no representations as to the security or privacy of your information.  It is in our interest to keep our website secure, but we recommend that you use anti-virus software, firewalls, and other precautions to protect yourself from security threats.

11.  CALIFORNIA ONLINE PRIVACY PROTECTION ACT

Elizabeth & Clarke permits residents of California to use its services.  Therefore, we intend to comply with the ultra-useless and red tapey California Business and Professions Code §§ 22575-22579.  If you are a California resident you may request certain information regarding our disclosure of personal information to any third parties for their direct marketing purposes.  Various provisions throughout this Privacy Policy address requirements of the Californian privacy statutes. In summary, you must presume that we collect electronic information from all visitors. You may contact us at
howdy@elizabethandclarke.com with any questions.

12.  INTERNATIONAL TRANSFER

Your information may be transferred to - and maintained on - computers located outside of your state, province, country, planet, galaxy, or other governmental jurisdiction where the privacy laws may not be as protective as those in your jurisdiction. If you are located outside the United States and choose to provide information to us, Elizabeth & Clarke transfers Personal Information to the United States and processes it there.  Your consent to this Privacy Policy followed by your submission of such information represents your agreement to that transfer.

13.  AMENDMENTS

Like our Terms of Service, we may amend this Privacy Policy from time to time.  When we amend this Privacy Policy, we will either get 2/3 of the consent of the Congress, or place a note on our Site as to when this Privacy Policy was last modified, and update this page to reflect the changes.  You must read this page every time you access our Service and if you don’t agree, immediately stop using it.

Last Modified:  May 23, 2017